Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
