I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
