There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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