The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
