Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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