Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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