in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
