I just pynch a tree in the face
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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