I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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