U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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