So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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