I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
