dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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