i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize