just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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