Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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