It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
