Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
