Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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