All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How does one acquire holy water?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
