i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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