I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
