you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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