Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
