Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
