what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
