I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
