i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
