Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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