His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
