It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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