Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
