The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
