I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
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