I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Still dying that you shit outside
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
