i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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