I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
