Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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