he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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