The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
