After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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