just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
