I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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