i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
