All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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