i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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