So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
