I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
