I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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