And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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