Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
