the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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