this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
