Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
