dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Randomize
