so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
