Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
