He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
