Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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