My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
