I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
