this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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