either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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