I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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