i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
