dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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