my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
