theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
