i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
