By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
