we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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