He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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